I stayed home from work today. I wasn’t terribly sick, but I didn’t feel good. My heart was out of rhythm more than it normally is, and made my head feel funny. I slept most of the morning, in a hard deep sleep, fill with dreams. I know part of the problem is that I have just let things spiral out of control, and I feel like I am ready to explode, physically. If there was just some way to suck the fat out! and make all the problems with being overweight go away … I would like to think that would solve all my problems. But, taking a realistic point of view here, I could lose the weight and be skinny, get rid of all the physical problems, but if I don’t address the emotional reasons here for doing what I seem to keep doing, its always going to be an on going battle. I’m just tired of being like this. Of being depressed, of be in pain all the time, basing my life of what I can and can’t do. Things have to change. But where do I start? it is all so overwhelming — and when I get overwhelmed, I tend to retreat and bury my head in the sand and try to make the problem at hand go away that way. Obviously, that isn’t working for me. I have to start somewhere, take small steps, and turn it around. We are in serious trouble here.